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And, although I'm now the age of two teens stacked on top of each other, I do still spend much of my time hanging around high schools selling loose cigarettes, and can confirm that few things have changed since my day.
Teenage boys are still, for the most part, colossal dorks, and they continue to think and fantasize about the same things they always have.
Here then, for your daydream believin', are the 12 types of fantasy that every teen boy has. Whatever it is a teenage boy does, he will fantasies spent vast quantities of his free time and occupied time imagining that he is the very best in the world at it. Every movement effortless, every act executed with much style, the whole ballet of radness eliciting teenage applause and fainting in the crowds that have gathered to watch us doodle on our binders, or hacky our sacks, or whatever.
And when that gets boring, we'll then spend a lot of the time imagining getting really good at something we don't actually do, like karate or gun-karate or basically any type of dude-wasting activity.
Which is a little juvenile, sure, although a necessary step to set up our next fantasy. Almost everyone had to deal with a bully growing up even bullies have to deal with larger bullies, or when they get home, with the teenage jackals that raised them. And of all the ways to deal with a bully, standing up to them and beating them on their own terms, although far and away the least probable, is the one teenage boys fantasize about the most.
But here, in the theater of the mind, where we're all masters of the three-section staff, which we carry with us at all times in the flowing sleeves of our coats, we're able to lay this fat-faced fuck low every time he sticks it in our narrow, classically proportioned faces.
Occasionally, as much as it hurts to admit it, exotic weapons from the Fantasies are of little teenage to us. Say, when navigating the variety of small interactions which fill a typical day.
In the bullshit real world, these can be incredibly challenging, with few of us quick-witted enough to think of clever things to say on the fly. And fantasies we love dwelling on our failings, it's often the case that our brains only manage to think up the perfect thing to say hours after it will do any good.
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